The Chronicles of Cory's Guitar

November 15

2006-11-15T16:24:00.000-08:00

Our thoughts and prayers are with Cory right now as this plate of food is all he'll have to eat for the next couple weeks. Did he lose his job? Nope. Is he on the Jared Fogle diet? Wrong again. Is his vehicle in the shop awaiting major repairs and thousands of dollars in bills? Wrong for the last time.

Using the excuse that he was pressured into buying something he wasn't ready for, Cory is on the bologna and cheese sandwich meal plan because he bought Guitar Hero for Playstation 2 on Saturday, and now doesn't have the money to do anything else. But wait a minute.... was this really a pressure tactic put on by a salesman who ripped him off, or was this a purchase he'd planned for weeks, regardless of financial stability? After all, Cory was the one to pull that toy off the shelf, put it in his Wal-Mart shopping cart, and roll it up to the cashier. Don't buy into the PROPAGANDA that he pushes by telling you he was forced to buy it because Mikey wanted him to.

Still not convinced? Here's the evidence.

Remember that? It was only a few days ago that he was telling the world of his premeditated plans, which is coincidental because O.J. Simpson's publisher just announced today that a book on the murder of his wife will be released soon.

November 11

2006-11-13T13:10:00.000-08:00

I call Cory between shifts at work to track him down. I know that he's out looking at guitars with Mikey, and I want to be a part of it. We stop by The Guitar Shop. They're closed. Cory is carrying a phone book with him because he wants to go to all of the guitar shops in Quincy and doesn't know all of the addresses. Next stop: The Music Center downtown. The place has been there for 35+ years. I see a sign posted on the wall that will forever prevent Cory from going to this store for service and repair.

WE ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT REPAIR ANY FIRST ACT GUITARS.

First Act, the company that has provided Cory with the ability to rock out like a deaf man with no fingers, has been the leader in cheap guitars for a long time. You can order them in JC Penney catalogs or find them in the Toys section at your local Wal-Mart. First Act is the 'Vette of the guitar industry. No, not the Corvette, but the CHEVETTE.

Cory demands that the owner show him where the tutorial DVD section is. He then looks through the guitar room like a kid in a candy store. He's ecstatic. He watches Mikey strum around on a couple guitars, and pokes around asking me questions like, "What's that piece of equipment for?" It's a guitar amp. Or an audio mixer. Or a pedal set. All are vital pieces if you want to "plug in". We all take off to head over to my house for a few minutes before I take off for work. Fast forward to 12:45 AM.

Cory and Mikey come over to my house, and Cory brings in not one, but TWO guitars. Thing is, one of them doesn't look real. It looks like one that Fisher-Price makes, made of plastic and cheap looking buttons. Hell, it's even got a sheet of stickers for your decorating pleasure. Having never seen an instrument of melodic harmony being carried by an adult in his late twenties, I had to take a look for myself. I open the box that it's still in, and see it comes with what looks like a tutorial DVD, called "Guitar Hero 2". I then see the Playstation 2 logo on it, and I realize this isn't just a toy, this is a VIDEO GAME.

Soon the three of us are playing the game, and I pick it apart because it the songs available for playing aren't accurate. I don't mean the notes or chords, I mean that it doesn't match up with the band on the screen. There's a song from The Police, and I expected Stewart Copeland, Gordon Sumner (Sting), and Andy Summers. What do I see on the screen? A bunch of pussies that look like they were on that stupid CBS Rock Star show. I play four or five songs. I suck. I don't care that I suck because it's a fucking video game with no capabilities of teaching me how to play a real guitar whatsoever. Ironically, it's the only guitar of the two that Cory brought in that gets used. Here's what Cory did with his real guitar, which didn't move from the moment he walked in the door to the moment I take him back home Sunday morning.

November 10

2006-11-10T16:58:00.000-08:00

I call Cory to see if he's working tonight (yeah right.... I just want another story). Mikey's coming into town and Cory's pretty sure he's going to buy a guitar. He plans on spending the day with Mikey going to different music stores to look at guitars. I'm typing this as I'm talking to him. I tell him to give me a call in the afternoon and we'll hang out or something. His response? Lots of dead silence, and then this...."Well I don't know. Mikey and I are gonna be out all day looking at guitars." My response? "I see what's going on here! Since I don't have a guitar I can't hang out with you or Mikey. Well maybe when you guys are done doing whatever it is that GUITAR-PLAYERS DO you'll have time to hang out with some of us that DON'T play. Fucker."

November 9

2006-11-10T09:42:00.000-08:00

I get a voice message from Michael. Cory has told him that he bought a guitar, which he knew about six weeks ago. Cory tells him that he bought an electronic tuner, and is thinking about buying Guitar Hero TWO.

November 4

2006-11-10T09:33:00.000-08:00

I'm not involved with this story so much, but I heard the story and I feel like I was there. Cory, Michael, Candice, and a few other people are at a house playing "Guitar Hero" for Playstation 2. This game screams American Idol to me and I refuse to have anything to do whatsoever with something like this. Playing this game is not going to teach you how to play a guitar. Anyway, everybody is drinking and playing this game, taking turns, and sharing like you're taught to in kindergarten. Someone picks a song that Cory wanted to try and play and Cory throws a temper tantrum. At his next turn, he plays 3-4 songs consecutively, declining the friendly gesture to share the fun. From what I've been told, Cory isn't that great at this game.

November 3

2006-11-10T09:26:00.000-08:00

Cory wants to come to my house and look through my computer for some mp3s. I say, "No problem man. Come on over." He arrives ten minutes later with his guitar, but it doesn't look like the same guitar.... it's covered in black.... WAIT A MINUTE! He bought a guitar case! Finally! I apologize for not telling you that every time Cory took his guitar to someone's house, it was in the same bulky retail box that it came in, complete with the clear plastic window so you can see what's inside (as if you couldn't tell already). I ignore the guitar and its pretty black case that surrounds it. I am dead on my ass tired, and don't want him to be fucking around with that damned guitar. I want him to sit in front of my computer and steal my music. Cory pulls the guitar out its coffin, strums a chord less than TWO seconds long, and tells me to guess what he just played. I'm clueless. He tells me that Mikey taught him how to play "Nothing Else Matters", from Metallica. He then shows me the cool pockets and compartments that his guitar case has. Stay tuned for more!

October 27

2006-11-10T09:09:00.000-08:00

Game 5 of the World Series is in St. Louis. The Cardinals are leading the series 3 games to 1. Bryce (that's me) is willing to call in sick on this Friday night to go to downtown St. Louis.... not to the game particularly, but if they win it would be an unforgettable environment to be a part of. I ask Cory if he wants to go. His response is, "I don't think it would be worth it man. Who wants to drive to St. Louis just to come back the same night? It's a waste of money man. Who wants to go down there and get drunk and blow a bunch of money like that?" Cory has given me every excuse possible, when one was enough. The REAL reason why he didn't want to go? So he could go to Macomb and hit the bars with Mikey..... actually that's not the real reason either..... You see, Mikey plays guitar. He's not the best in the world, but he plays just to have something to do. He's not looking to play in bars, just goof around in his basement and see what he can come up with. Now can you guess why Cory bailed out on celebrating the first World Series Championship in 24 years? DING DING DING! That's right! Cory went to Macomb to show Mikey his guitar and to have him tune it. Then they went to the bars.

October 21

2006-11-10T09:05:00.000-08:00

Cory, Michael, Jimmy and I have all returned from the football game, and we come back to my house so Cory can get his video games and guitar out of my house. I'm going to stay home, and Cory wants to know if he can leave his guitar there because it's raining outside and he doesn't think his guitar will fit into the cab of his extended-cab truck. His truck seats FIVE comfortably, and there will only be THREE people in his truck. I tell him to get that fucking guitar out of my house and put it in the back seat. No more guitar.

October 20

2006-11-10T09:01:00.000-08:00

Cory and Michael come over to my house to drink, play video games, and get up the next morning to go to the WIU-ISU football game. For some reason Cory brought his guitar. I don't know how to play. Michael doesn't know how to play. The damn guitar isn't even tuned in yet, but Cory brought it, just in case we wanted to play.

Cory bought a guitar....the saga begins

2006-11-10T08:58:00.000-08:00

Back in early October Cory bought a guitar. He could have spent the money to get the front bumper of his truck repainted like he's been wanting to do for so long, but Cory, the king of random acts, went to Wal-Mart and bought a guitar. This blog is being created to chronicle every moment he tells someone about his guitar... and it all starts........now.